Love.

Ok, I want to talk about love. People seem to think it's so easy to love someone. Someone once told me, love and like are the same thing. Which, btw is definitely not true. I don't get how you can have a relationship with someone and then you break up and a week later you're with someone new. And, you tell me you love them. Well, obviously, you don't know what love is. I know when I was getting over Randy, it took an entire year for me to move on completely.I gradually took steps and just took my time. I know, people tell me they can't be alone, blah, blah, blah. Well, have you ever tried? You might like it. It's not fair to someone new that you may be dating when you're still in love with the one you broke up with. I don't get how celebrities can do that either. People just throw that word around so casually anymore. I love you. Well, do you know what it is? 
 Anyway, here's my take on love.

First off, love and like are NOT the same thing. I may like you, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I love you. Love is a deeper emotion. I can like anyone. I can't just love someone. It's easy to like someone, bu I tell you what, love is one of the hardest emotions and feelings to deal with.

There are different types of love. I am in love with Shawn. And honestly, sometimes that  scares me, cuz I have never loved someone the way I love Shawn. It's completely different than anything I've ever felt before.
I love my mom. I love her because she is my mom and she's a wonderful person. I love my brothers. I am not in love with them. That is just gross. But, you get my point. Some people seem to think there is only one type of love. But, of course there isn't. I don't love everyone the same. If I love you, I'll go out of my way more and do things for you that I wouldn't for other people. I love my cat. I know, it's stupid, but she's my lovebug. Which is why she gets spoiled all the time. LOL! I even love Queen. Yes, they're a band. No, I will probably never meet them, but I can't imagine my life without them.

I thought I loved Randy. In fact, there was a time I probably did. I will always care for him. It took me forever to get over him. In all honesty, we spent five years playing tug of war. My heart took quite a beating on that one. There was a time when I thought "what's wrong with me? I will never love someone again" etc.... Stupid thoughts, I know, but when you're young and think you're in love, that's how you feel. Turns out, there is nothing wrong with me at all. He just didn't love me the way I loved him. It took me quite awhile to figure that out.

There's a difference between lust and love. People think they love someone, but it's not always love. There's puppy love. There's infatuation. Real love is different.

I don't think people really know what love is until they grow up a bit. You think you're in love in high school and the world will end if they leave you. But, there is a huge world out there and plenty more fish in the sea. Love means making a commitment. Love means sacrificing yourself for someone else. Love means sharing, even if you don't want to. Love means being there even when it hurts like hell. Because, it's not always easy to love someone. 

And, I also think it's harder for men to love than women. That's a natural feeling, but men are inclined to push it away. I think men need that period in their life where they fool around and be men. Because, I tell you what, when he's finally ready to settle down, he will be the best damn man you could ask for. Give it time. :)

There are days when I just want to give up. I think it'd be so much easier to just be single. I don't want to be single, but it's not always easy to care about someone else. I was single for three years before I met Shawn. Part of my brain sometimes still wants that. I can go do what I want. I can make out with random guys. (No, I never slept with them, but I did like to kiss, LOL!) But then, I realize all those guys I kissed tasted disgusting and made me feel dirty. And then, I think of the downside of no Shawn and I feel lonely. I think if I let Shawn go, I'd be miserable. Because, yes, I love that guy. I can't imagine my life without him. He makes me feel something I never felt before. I always think "How did I get this freaking lucky?"

I have come to find out in my years that love is flipping hard! It is so hard to not just think about you anymore. It's hard to not be so damn selfish. It's hard to think of another person. But, I realize it makes me happy too when I do something for someone I love. I love love. I love the real version, not the fairy tale version. Real love is what makes it last. Real love is there through all the bullshit, all the pain, and comes out fifty or sixty years later, saying "Yea, we made it. And, I still love you." If you can't make the commitment for a lifetime, it's not love.

And, btw Love is NOT getting the shit beat out of you. Love is NOT having sex with a guy because he says "If you love me, you'll have sex with me." Ladies, if he says that, then you say "Yea, and if you love me, you'll wait until I'M ready." Love is not a man controlling you. You are an equal.  Love is not cheating or being cheated on.

Ok, sorry, I'm getting preachy there. What I'm trying to say is, love is just love. There are no wrong ways to love someone. But, wait for a guy who is good to you ALL THE TIME, not just some of the time. Ok, I apologize. This is not my usual upbeat blog style. I just was thinking about love and this is what came out. I just get so aggravated when people tell me they love someone and yet they treat them like shit, or they date different people right afterwards or they're always breaking up. It's like, you totally ruin it. You're ruining this beautiful thing with that shit. Anyway, just my thoughts. I know it's more complex than this, but this is just a few things running through my head. Love is a beautiful thing. It can hurt you. But, it can also heal you.