Ramblings of a tired mind.

Sick today. This just started. I was not like this at work. I should've known though, cuz that damn exhausted even though you slept soundly all night feeling crept in. It's just a cold though. Anyway, not the real basis of this blog post.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Just about random things. I feel pretty damn blessed even if I'm not quite happy right now. Of course, I'm worried about stupid shit. Which is dumb, because what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing. I just need to learn patience. That'd be a start. I don't know what happened to that. I used to be so patient. Anyway, I realized that every thing can change in an instant. You never know what to expect. It's been a pretty decent year. I hope it stays that way.

Real topic: Parents. My mom is awesome. Everyone who knows her knows that. What I don't get is the other parent. I've been wanting to say this for a long time. My parents divorced a long time ago. I'm not annoyed or upset by that. I am upset with the fact that my old man isn't even in the picture hardly at all. Now, I know I'm 27 and you're probably thinking:"Well, that's what happens when you grow up." Bullshit. He's not there. He can't even pick up a fucking phone and call me. I call him, can't get through. Sometimes, it'd be nice to have a dad around. It's like I used to think he was my hero. I was such a daddy's girl. Then, I grew up, turned 18 and all of a sudden, it was like "Sorry. You're an adult. Leave." It just amazes me that you have four kids and you hardly make any intention to be around them at all. He's never seen my apartment. Yes, I've offered. I've been here OVER a year. What I don't get is why all of us kids keep trying for his affection and love. It kills me, cuz it's never going to happen. How can you ditch all four kids without a second thought? I know we're adults, but sometimes, you still need a dad. I try to push it away, but then I tell him something or try to get his attention or the boys do, and it just hurts even more. I guess you never get over that. Anyway, had to get that off my chest. I know I'm not the only one with "daddy issues." But, it amazes me at times how much it still hurts, unexpectedly. And, if you read this Dad, trust me, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Next topic: Talking shit. I am so tired of hearing all the bullshit I hear every day. I contaminates the workplace, it contaminates my life. Why can't we all just get along? I'm so fucking tired of people trying to get others in trouble. Mind your own fucking business. Excuse my french, but this is quite the pet peeve of mine. I hate myself cuz I start talking shit. It's like How am I any better? Anyway, I'm trying to break that habit. It's at work, it's at home, it's everywhere I go. I need drama free.

Anyway, friends: How the hell do people make friends? I do have friends and acquaintances, but I would love a best friend. Someone who I can talk to and g do things with. When I moved up here, my other friends kinda moved on. Which, I understand, but I'm not in that circle anymore. And, let me tell you. I'm lonely. I wish people would take me seriously. I always feel people just think I'm the freaking class clown. Ya know, I can have conversations with people too. LOL! I'm usually pretty serious. It just gets lonely with no one to talk to. Everyone has their friendships established and it's just frustrating to fit in. I hate being me sometimes.

Anyway, I'm just venting and thinking. I'm just irritated right now, cuz I'm trying to figure out school and I'm trying to get things situated at home and nothing's going right. I have decided I do want to go for physical therapy assistant. And, the goal is to eventually become a physical therapist. Even though, I have heard that being a traveling nurse pays pretty damn good money. We'll see.

Anyway, Shawn got some news today. Hopefully, things are looking up a bit! And no, I'm still not pregnant and we are still not getting married. Even though, I have been watching weddings lately, and someday when the time is right, I would like to get married. I already have the dress picked out. ;)

Well, I better get on these dishes and pay attention to the cat. She's so snuggly lately. Shawn says it's cuz we feed her and we are  warm. HEY, I'm keeping the belief she just likes us. ;) Makes me feel better.

Goodnight. :)