Holidays and me.

Oh, the holidays. They're just around the corner. It's gotten to a point in my life where they really don't mean that much to me anymore. That's probably why I love Halloween so much. People make such a big deal about. All of a sudden, people are nice, more giving, more helpful, etc. My thinking is "Why the hell aren't we like that all year long?"  Red Cross comes out and gets people to donate money. Yea, you should be doing that all year long too... I work at a place where we are there 24/7. There are always nurses working, always CNAs there. It's our job, it's our life. I suppose that's also why I don't care for the holidays. I usually work at least one of them. I'm ok with that, I love coming in on holidays and seeing my residents happy. The worst part is, when some of them have no one coming in. It breaks my heart. So, basically we become their family. :) And, I'm ok with that.

My parents divorced when I was eighteen. Yea, yea, yea, I know I was an adult, yada yada. But, Christmas was never the same after that. My dad had his new girlfriend living with him by then and instead of sharing it as a family, all of a sudden, we weren't. He has a "new family". He's a grandpa on her side. So, it's not about us anymore, it's about her kids and her grandbabies. Which, I UNDERSTAND Christmas is more for children anyway, but it kinda takes the joy out of something when he's loving other people's kids more than his own flesh and blood. What's the point in having a baby? I guess I'm a bit jealous. We were supposed to have the first grandchild. It's stupid I know, but being the first is a treasure. After that one, the novelty of being a grandparent seems to wear off. It feels that way anyway, the way I see it, being there at Christmas.
My mom tries extremely hard to make up for it when we go over there, but it's not the same. We go to my Aunt's house for Christmas also and well, I'd rather not. Let's put it that way. I do because I feel obligated and because I don't see them very often either, but I'd rather keep it that way.

I don't have kids, so there's  no need to get a ton of gifts. They say Christmas is for kids anyway. Which, kinda ruins Christmas too. Christmas is supposed to be for everybody. Not just some fucking reason to get your kids more things. And, if Christmas is about Jesus' birth, why the hell do we tell kids Santa's bringing presents? I don't see people being Christ like any other time of year.  

Thanksgiving is a bit different. We eat and pig out. I do like Thanksgiving, but only because I love food. Isn't that ridiculous? LOL! I don't go to my dad's for Thanksgiving usually. My mom makes good food, so I head there. But, this year I am doing things a bit different.  

I'm going to volunteer. Shawn asked me yesterday what we're doing for Thanksgiving. I told him in a light hearted manner that we're going to volunteer at a homeless shelter. He didn't know if I was serious or not. But, he's agreed to it. I think that'll be a wonderful thing to do. It feels that void that's empty.  That place in my heart that hasn't been full in years. I hate the holidays. I'd rather make someone else happy this year. Because, in return, it makes me happy. I love helping people. It's in my nature. So, I'm going to volunteer and make my own traditions. I hope my Shawn is right there with me, cuz he doesn't like the holidays much either. We're just going through the motions. Anyway, I'm hoping I can keep with stuff like that all year. Next year, I want to give more of myself and start finding my place in this world. I want to become a physical therapist for that reason. to see someone smile, to see someone laugh, and to know I did that, that's the greatest gift to me. Anyway, I'm getting all sappy.

Thanks for reading. If you feel the way I do, let me know. Just an opinion. Again, if you don't like it, no need to read it.:)